A vote in the trash is a vote for you!

The other day my loving, and very well-meaning friend, Andrew Orvedahl, chose to write a blog about why he votes and why he believes all conscientious non-voters should do so as well.  When posting the well-written piece to his Facebook profile, he chose to tag me on it, exposing to all 3400 of my followers that I in fact have decided to abstain from participating in this year's election.  A decision that I admittedly wasn't too thrilled about. 

Not because Andrew wasn't respectful of me or my intellect, but because I have a huge fear of being viewed as someone who is irrational and quixotic; or just plain ignorant for that matter.  And to some, I am.  I did very poorly in school.  My sentence structure and grammar leaves a lot to be desired.  I'm much better at conveying my thoughts through spoken word and I've chosen stand-up comedy and music as a path for that reason.  But I do want to respond to Andrew's blog and offer up my reasoning for those that were wondering. 

By the way, if you haven't read it please do so here: http://www.fiveunicorns.com/2012/10/25/a-note-to-my-progressive-non-voting-pals-in-colorado/

Some of you won't agree with this, and I totally accept and respect that.  I'm in no way telling any of you not to vote.  I respect your opinions and individuality.  But I wanted to stand my ground and speak my peace, even at the risk of being viewed as idealistic or childish.  I wanted to write this because I will not be an anonymous comment.  I'll defend my views.

First off, let me say this, some of the points Andrew made about Obama and his record in office are meant to address points that I had tried to make in a heated debate.  And, as I often do when debating, I get more wrapped up in winning than being honest.  

Let me be clear on this; four years ago I did vote for this man.  I, like a lot of people, was moved by his conviction and overwhelming message of hope and change.  If you know me, you'd know this is all I work towards in both my personal and professional life.  An evolution of myself, however slow that may be.  But over the past four years, I didn't see those ideals carried out.  I saw more of the same carried out in the normal lazy-susan style of politics we've grown accustomed to.  Every candidate is starting to look more and more alike.  I don't believe this is due to some phantom government machine that feeds off the goodwill of the populace in an effort to maintain control.  And this is in no way an indictment of the president as a person.  I believe that he wanted what he said.  He wanted to be a leader.  He wanted to exact some change.  How can you look around and not?  So, no, this is not a criticism or questioning of his integrity?  This is an indictment of the current state of politics and us, the people.  When I look back at Obama's time, I see a person that played the political game as the others have, all in an attempt to get re-elected.  The fact is, I don't find anyone on the ballot capable of making the initial decisions and steps to lead us to the place we need to be.  And to be fair, I'm not that person either.  Quite honestly, I don't think he exists.  Scientifically and historically, we're not meant to be lead.  Our most successful societies and civilizations were those that relied on each other.  So I ask you, why bother?

I understand Andrew's point about the civil rights issue.  But I guess I just feel like those are things that will change inevitably.  I don't think the gay, lesbian, and transgender community will see equality because of the actions of one man.  That to me is insulting and degrading to all those brave people who stood in the streets every year and marched, for years, weathering the mocking and jeering of the lessening majority.  Civil rights have always come at the hand of a strong and organized minority, willing to stand steadfast and fight until the slower majority comes around.  Mitt may pass a law, but there are hundreds and thousands of individuals like Andrew and myself who will stand beside our friends and family members in the streets and ensure that everyone around us learns that each individual you're trying to hold down has a story.  One that is imperfect and real and relatable.  I believe that on a long enough timeline, enough will let their guard down.  We put our fists up at first because we're afraid, but the more and more we see something, and see what we thought we were afraid of in those closest to us, the more we start to relax and understand that we need only concern ourselves with issues of real and imminent personal safety.  Equality starts with a small group who refuse to be silenced, and then the larger group that follows suit, and those who'll finally stop listening to their fears of being stigmatized and start listening to the inner urge to protect those who we share stories with.  One guy won't fucking change that.  I believe more than ever in the positive potential of the human being.

I thought of this recently and I've posted it a thousand times.  I'll say it again: Do not mistake natural reactions to unnatural circumstances as being what is inherently in our nature.  

And politics have become the best example of this.  I will no longer take part in the divisive locomotive that is our current political system.  The more and more I watch, the more and more disillusioned I become by the fact that our system has become solely based on fear.  It's all numbers.   And numbers start with the best intentions for categorizing, but then eventually become a tool for dehumanizing each of us that makes up one point.  Case in point: I grew to hate the south because of politics.  I hated that other 50 or 51%.  They're all stupid and racist.  Until I started traveling more and met terrific and shitty people everywhere.  Including the south.  I met smart people.  Hard working people.  Not that different than myself.  People who sat through my show.  Who laughed.  Who fed me.  And who sure as shit would not have done so if we'd talked about the fucking president.  

People aren't bad, we're just reacting poorly to unnatural circumstances.  

Our country is more polarized than ever, but yet we continue to create and purchase more and more devices and gadgets to connect us to each other and those around the world.  We're obviously craving something.  Something tangible.  Something primal and meaningful.  So we vote for the things we hope will improve our lives and fill the void.  Ignorant of the fact that the very thing we're doing to try and fix us, is making it worse.  We're like addicts.

So I don't vote.  I believe that sometimes the only way to stop something that's out of control is to take our hands off the wheel, understand we're helpless now, and let it crash.  Then we sort out the damage, let it sting, learn, and recreate.  

But others will continue.  And the government doesn't need your vote, Ben.

  

I think it's a common myth that they don't care if you abstain from voting.  The way I see it, those employed in government need your votes.  On two levels: 1.  Participation. This system doesn't work without it maintaining a certain level.  I think some people toil under the delusion that American politics would continue if only six people were in line.  It needs your votes, and a lot of them, because the government is us, and if most of US aren't voting, well then, that's a symptom of a greater problem needing attention.  It's the reason there are more and more articles about why the voting pool is shrinking and why the youth are so disillusioned.  2. Profitability.  The federal government spent over $100 million dollars this year on non-partisan voter initiatives.  Not to mention the combined billions that are being spent by either candidate, outside organizations, and super pacs.  Why would they spend that much on voting if they didn't need it?  That kind of money doesn't float around if money is not being returned ten fold to it's investors.  People are making more and more money off television, book deals, and the general business of politics because your vote is money.  Because in essence, it is an approval of that person you selected, the concessions they will make, and the favors they will return.

Make no mistake, this is a business, and a gigantic one at that; and it's product is votes.  And I will not continue contributing to it.  For the same reason that if I'm thirsty I will not continue to give money to a lemonade stand where the vendor just spits in my hand to save a buck.  I'll just turn around ask you all for help in digging up some water.  

You're right.  I may not have a right to complain if I don't participate.  But, I also don't want to hear you complain if your "lesser-than-two-evils" vote allows it to continue. 

Entitlement

Lately I've been hearing the familiar notes of the entitlement song being trumpeted by most anyone with an opinion on the state of being in this country. A bi-partisan battle hymn about how American life is being dragged through the muck and mud of ineptitude by those that feel they're owed something/everything by everyone around them, simply because they were born here, seems to twist and turn every nearly-full belly.

Whether it be the cliche welfare and food stamps debate, or how long it takes my generation and latter to find/create their place in this world, all the way down to why more kids aren't starting musical bands "these days", we've come to accept a notion that being handed everything fosters an environment where the almost-immediate next-generation slips into malaise and general lack of interest in pursuing feats and endeavors requiring any amount of hard work or diligence.

Heck, as a bona fide selective-outrage-card carrying member of what I've been referring to as, "Generation Zzzzzzzzzzz", I've found myself espousing the same rhetoric and ideology, and I can say that I do believe it plays a large factor in a number of society's shortcomings and downfalls. FED LIONS SLEEP.  Why try when the end of satisfaction seems nowhere in sight?

I get it. I see it. It's us.

But I want to chime in on one aspect of this debate that is not spoken of enough.

See, I feel like when I participate in or overhear conversations regarding entitlement, all the aforementioned common themes and subtexts of entitlement seem to revolve solely around inactivity as the agent of the poor and less fortunate. It exclusively acts as the header for items of laziness. And, I guess, to a large extent that's true. It is the most fertile ground for it to grow on.

What I don't understand is how entitlement is not lumped in with our current financial crisis and widening wealth divide. Why is it that when speaking of the injustices and crimes the wealthy elite have perpetrated when, say, gambling away futures on derivatives made of toxic mortgages, or improperly hedging loans and losing two billion dollars, the word greed is more often thrown around? Are they really different? Greed, like laziness, is the excrement of entitlement.

Is it so hard to believe that members of our "entitled generation" didn't just sink and become the grit on the bottom of society's glass? Maybe they were handed lavish educations, pursued powerful positions, and became the bitter froth on the rim as well. Because while some were at home subsisting on, "I want you to have all the things I didn't have. Wait there, honey; I'll get it for you.", others were being fed a steady diet of, "The world is your oyster.  All's fair and acquire everything you can."

To me laziness and greed are opposing reactions to the same stimuli.  And to simply place the burden of ineffectuality squarely on those with less will only leave the disease partially researched and thus resistant to treatment and control.  Responsibility should be evenly distributed to all that take without first measuring it's effects on those around them. And taking without measure is the root of all our problems. Not just coddling.

YES, we are the generation that never turned off our bedroom light because someone was always there to tuck us in, but let's not forget that we are also the generation that never refilled the water bottle.

A Hankering.

I want to believe in the ability to travel throughout one's own mind in a lucid journey to understand that each part can be folded or manipulated in an effort to distort the world's actions into an environment suitable for personal growth. I want to believe in the ability to train the soul to both need nothing and experience everything. I want to own jealousy, not be owned by it. I want to trace the lineage of my anger back to one solitary place; a place that can be pitted and removed forever. I want to understand why the eyes and the heart heart cannot connect with the ears and the penis. I want my stomach to untie ITSELF once in a while. I want my legs to not shake when I'm forced to remain still for moments on end. I want to not NEED you, but ACCEPT you when available, and accept me when you're not. I want to forget how everything made me feel when I was younger. I want to understand the imagination as the place where life truly begins. I want to realize that in my truest words, I am free. I want my eyes to not set tears on their sill, ready to topple anytime. I want to replace sadness with ferocity. I want hunger to never subside. I want to own nothing that can't be discarded in a bag. I want to remove love from sex. I want everything to remain as is, so I can analyze and distinguish it from everything that has ever been, then remove what only carries consequence. I want the willful ignorance I endure at the hands of my desires to escape through my lungs in one last exasperated breath. I want to burn my television set - see it's insides melt and understand that machines have neither the pixels nor the energy source to generate what the nose and eyes can. I want to understand that we are receptors of goodwill and adjustment, solitary animals operating amongst a pack, vicious and cunning, nurturing and concerned. I want to understand that we are complicated, that we are a mix of nature's whim and nurture's will, and that being complicated is intriguing and terrifying. I want to not be tired.

And I want it all now.

What the fuck, Marc Maron?!?!

So I just finished listening to the latest episode of WTF. For those of you not familiar with this podcast, I don't have time to keep bringing you up to speed with the goings-on of the twenty first century. Turn your computer off now.

Anyway, back to the reason I'm writing. I was particularly excited to give the newest episode a listen for a couple reasons. First, it featured someone I'm very familiar with; a person I consider to be a good friend and peer. Of course by now you may know it's Josh Blue. Josh has been a local celeb and Mile-High comedy stalwart since before he won Season Four of Last Comic Standing in 2006. Over the past few years Josh has been gracious enough to take me on the road with him several times and I feel like during those travels I've really got to know him on a personal level.

But familiarity wasn't the only reason I was excited to feed my ears with this interview. As much as I love and respect Josh as a human being and comic, I was excited to hear him placed in the hot seat and forced to face a seemingly inevitable barrage of questions aimed at the controversial choices he's made with his career and material. It would seem that in the eyes of Marc Maron, and his ever-present opinion on stand-up integrity, Josh had some long overdue explaining to do.  Last Comic Standing?! That show fucking sucks. Cerebral Palsy jokes? That's a crutch Josh seems to be content leaning on despite supposedly not needing to.
Staying in Denver? Why would he do that?

I want you to know that I don't/didn't want to see a person I care about slandered and ripped apart; I just felt that after the numerous conversations I've had with Josh over recent years, he's fully capable of justifying and making others understand the motivations and benefits of the road he's chosen to take. If anything, this could only help a skeptical comedy community embrace a talented and thoughtful individual that I feel has
been somewhat misunderstood.

So when the episode was finally posted, I added it to my already full WTF folder, dragged it to my I-Pod, and listened anxiously for the prodding to begin. A prodding that never came. Instead what I got was a Marc Maron that appeared to have gone soft. It was as if I listening to a Midwest housewife interviewing a kid with Downs Syndrome in front of her "less-worldly" friends. Did weed help his mind or where he was at in his life? Are you serious?! Why not just come out and ask him if it fucking hurts to be retarded? God damn it I'm gassy from all the placation.

How many times did Maron dig into Joe Rogan for his choice to do Fear Factor? Josh was on Last Comic Standing! Willingly! That show was a violent shit factory. If Marc had done the research he'd know that Josh won the series. He'd also know that despite what Josh claims, those were not his best sets. The network sold the story and used that to create a star. We all knew it. Why not lay into him about that? If he had, I'm sure Josh would have told him, as he's told me, that's it's afforded him a good life. That the choices he made have allowed him to do what he loves every day of his life. That when all was said and done, he didn't go to Hollywood and milk it for everything it was worth. He bought a home and a place in the mountains, started a family, secured a future for his kids, and lives in the place he loves. Shit, if I was a comic or fan who didn't know him, I'd applaud that for sure.

Forget that last point. It's obvious that was just lack of research on Marc's part. But why not press Josh for his glaring hypocrisy in wanting to be seen as equal while freely admitting to using his disability when it suits his interests? Then poke around about his time on Mind of Mencia, when Josh and Brad Williams were part of a thinly-veiled attempt by Carlos to form a freak-menagerie?

Once again I want to reiterate that I love Josh. This is a truly hardworking, extremely talented, no-bullshit dude. A guy who has given me great advice. A guy who worries about his future. A mentor I learn from. A dickface. A husband. An ego. A father. An opportunist. A fan of the craft. A friend.

I'm saying all this because I see him as an equal, if not better. And he is deserved of equal treatment. And equal treatment for the physically disabled doesn't just mean access to buildings and restaurants or free refills at the bar. It also means being judged accountable for the flaws, contradictions, oversights, and self-righteous musings we're all prone to when in the midst of trying to entertain.

I guess I just feel like that in Maron's attempt to not seem ignorant and uninformed with the things he said, he came across as ignorant and uninformed with the things he didn't.

Lame.

"Neutrality is at times a graver sin than belligerence."

If I hear another unfounded or news-fed opinion about what is happening at any of the dozens of Occupy or Tea Party protests throughout our country, I'm going to punch my son in the face.  Think before you speak.  His future mental stability now rests in your hands. 

That goes for anyone who has created an assumption or bias about the agendas and ideas of those involved knowing full well that they, as well as any person they associate with, have never set foot in an encampment or march, or had dialogue with any of the thousands directly involved.  Because when you voice your inexperienced opinion, all you do is firmly plant yourself in the pavement as another speed bump.  My face will gladly entertain your insights once I see photos of you holding a dated sign by any of the "bongo playing hippies" or "right-wing elderly nuts".  This is not about entitlement or bigotry.  This is about dialogue.  And that is happening right now.  On both sides.  This is a good thing!  Both sides can agree that banks are playing a rigged hand, at a table they've erected, in a gambling hall they operate.  So be a part of something.  Whatever that is.  Because you shouldn't be worried about tea-partiers or occupy protesters, you should be worried about why you're ineffectual.  Don't be another fucking mouthpiece of censure and trite opposition for a nihilistic media that is only concerned with ensuring sponsors don't walk away with their operating budget.

A Facebook debate spawned this and it's irritating.  The point was brought up, as it has been in the media, that a big focus of the Occupy movement is on a lack of jobs and a hatred of corporations. 

"Get a job, you fucking hippy.". 

"Don't like it, don't shop at Wal-Marts or chain stores." 

"America has plenty of money.  People are just lazy now."

I've heard this all.  Heck I've echoed some of the same things in the past.  But now I find myself wondering where this came from?  Any large protest will attract a percentage of the fringe.  Sometimes a healthy portion.  But after watching, reading, and speaking with people involved, I know what some of the main points are.

For the lower and middle class, average household incomes have been on a steady decline. The upper class is continuing to see a rise.  The question being presented is not whether the middle class is dwindling, because we know it is.  It's whether or not people should be taxed more as they get wealthier.   A large, healthy middle class is what made this country the land of dreams.  If we all worked hard, at the end of the day, everyone got to sit and enjoy a slice.  Unfortunately, human greed has changed the emphasis to where it's now less about everyone having a slice and more about everyone clawing to get their own pie(s).

We could work to protect and preserve just the upper class and scorn anyone who doesn't make it there as unmotivated whiners.  There are plenty of great countries with an emphasis on a protected upper class and large struggling lower class.  Great places like Guatemala and Peru.

If we have so much, why is it that money for publicly funded projects continue to decline year by year? Why are schools beginning to fall apart? I'll be the first to shit on entitlement but some things can't be summed up as laziness.

More money is being funneled into the top tiers. That's what Wall Street does. Corporations go public, sell stocks, and decrease pay and benefits to increase profit margins for shareholders. They move call centers and manufacturing overseas to places like China where labor is cheap.  We all know this.  The problem grows when most shares are not owned by thousands of Joe and Jane Smiths, they're bought and gathered into portfolios by hedge funds, vested, and paid out to small groups of very wealthy individuals.

Not shopping at Wal-Mart is part of a solution but it certainly doesn't stop investment bankers from gambling away pensions and 401K's. It wouldn't have stopped Citigroup or Bear Stearns from bundling toxic mortgages and assets to sell, only to then turn around and hedge their bets by purchasing insurance, knowing full well those toxic layers would most likely fail and, because of the aforementioned insurance, be more profitable in the end if they did.  That's unethical and immoral.  These are facts. That's why AIG nearly went bankrupt. That's why the global market continues to teeter on collapse. And that's why people are pissed.

No one is being held accountable. And regardless of what any of you think about "lazy" people sitting in the park, we're arguing about it right now. So it's worked. It's created dialogue. It's a string on a finger.

I wish everyone could see that people are not trying to do harm.  The ends are noble.  Whether or not you agree with the means, as harmless as they may be, what those involved are trying to accomplish is for the betterment of society. 


And I don't care about my spelling or grammar.  Eat fuck.

"Egotism is the anesthetic that dulls the pain of stupidity."

As this day winds down I find myself reflecting back on how I have been affected by the events of September 11th, 2001.  How my everyday life has changed.  On how my world, and the way in which I navigate it, has been altered.  I went back and forth in my head contemplating these questions and I arrive at only one reasonable and rational response; it hasn't.

I have the fortunate pleasure of knowing no one that was in, outside of, or near the World Trade Center site the morning those buildings collapsed.  There are no relatives or members of my family that served or died in New York City that day.  I have no connection or ties to any of the parties responsible for carrying out those atrocities.  I have friends and relatives who serve(d) in the armed forces both in Iraq and Afghanistan but all are currently safe or have returned home alive.  I watched the events unfold, untouched and unharmed, from 400+ miles away.

Because of this I try to find some part of me that can be sentimental about the whole experience.  I do my best to show remorse because I truly do feel for the people directly affected by those events.  I don't need to remind myself to not forget because, really, how the fuck could I?  If you did, or are capable of forgetting, you must have been blackout drunk for four months to not remember the scenes that were replayed on a repetitive real for a third of a year. 

But as far as feeling a sense of loss or personal pain, I guess I'm incapable.  Has my life changed?  In all honesty, the motions of my day to day living have not.  I work in the same manner, perhaps even a bit harder.  Not because of some new found reverence for life and American patriotism, but because I'm ten years older and loaded down with the burdens of a dream.  Not to mention that I'm now the father of a six year old child who demands more of me than I sometimes am capable of giving.  I still work, pay taxes (sometimes), shop for the same foods, and demand the same rights and luxuries as before.  Perhaps even more. 

Really, any domestic changes have been slight given the full magnitude of the event.  I now have to take my shoes off at the airport.  I've lost six ounces of carry-on liquid.  I have to use a passport to visit our sketch comedy loving friends to the north. I pay more at the pump.

Aside from incremental inconveniences, for those like myself, life appears to be the same.  Have we as a country become more isolationist, closing off our boarders and reducing foreign imports, increasing domestic productions, in an effort to be more self-reliant and less dependant on a world we seem sure is hell-bent on destroying our rights?  No.  Not all.  Are we working to become a fitter, faster, and smarter nation in preparation for a rapidly approaching war with enemies that surely want to annihilate the very fabric of freedom we cherish so much?  No.  In fact, we're getting fatter and dumber.  Well surely we must be doing more to understand our enemies, and in turn make our interests and agendas better known to them through civil dialogue and exchange in an effort to keep our potential foes closer than our friends.  No.  We've just ratcheted up stereotypes and fear mongering in an effort to keep initiative moral up.

My point is, life has not changed for a great number of us.  I guess I'm tired of hearing that it has, because honestly, we could have used a little change in this country.  We could have used some isolation and introspection.  We could have used victory gardens.  We could have used scrap metal recycling initiatives and manufacturing bonds.  We could have used power conservation and alternative fuel programs.  We could have used diet and exercise regiments designed to prepare a populace for a potential conflict on our doorstep.  Unfortunately we didn't get that.  Why?  Cause we want it all.   And we insist on convenience in every aspect of our life, and sadly for soldiers and their families that includes our wars. 

If you want to ask someone how their life continues to be affected ten years after 9/11, get on a plane and leave this country.  It's the rest of the world that's still paying the price.

"Moving on is simple, it’s what you leave behind that makes it so difficult."

Every break up I've ever been through is hard.  Thinking back on them all, there's not one that doesn't elicit some sort of physical reaction in me.  Whether it was infidelity or lack of compatibility; when ended there was always a feeling of sadness and regret that still faintly resonates.  Doubt leaving me to question whether or not the right decision was made.  The easy part was saying the words because for one reason or another they all needed to be folded.  The hard part came when reconciling what I was leaving behind.  A part of me, even at 32, misses every women I've spent any considerable time with.  As improved as my life is having made the decisions I have, I still feel for all.

Bands are no different for me.  In my life, when trying to recall, I've been in at least 16 musical projects since the age of 15.  I say "at least" because I have a feeling there's a few I'm missing along the way.  I'm sure there's a rogue noise quartet that never made it out of the practice space lodged behind a synapse somewhere in my brain.  The latest and arguably most mature project (both in sound and attitude) I've been lucky enough to be a part of was 'The Fire Drills'.  A five piece jangly power-pop outfit designed to make simple, catchy Rock N' Roll.  When I joined the band I was intimidated by the lineup and newness of style, having most of my life played in aggressive hardcore and punk rock bands.  I resolved to be me and put my touch on it, and if it fit, it fit.  Surprisingly it worked out well and we wrote a handful of fun songs and played a small number of great shows.  We recorded for two days but never put any finishing touches on the tracks.  This went unreleased and it will unfortunately remain that way because today we all collectively decided to let the project go.  Put the fork in it.  Set the bitch on ice.  A decision that came about amicably and rationally.   With age increasing and time decreasing for every member we all felt it best to end on an even plane.  It is unquestionably the right thing to do.  There are no hard feelings and I'm sure I'll keep in touch with most, if not everyone involved.  But now that it's over, and with a slight weight off my shoulders, that aforementioned part of me is looking back with a hint of sadness. 

I'm not bothered that we won't be going forward.  Honestly, I could care less.  I'm too busy and too invested in other avenues of my life to worry about something so insignificant.  No, I'm sad when looking back at we're leaving behind.  I'm attached to the music.  Every sound is important to me.  It's sappy, I know, but I'm sentimental about music.  During my worst times it was the only outlet I had.  I then, and now, put myself into every word.  I enjoy writing.  I respect the process.  I envy those that do it best.  And fuck it - I don't care if I'm viewed as self-centered - I listen to my own music.  There I said it.  Boooom.  Yeah, you like that?  Huh?  I get a lot out of it.  I mean what are we doing if we're not fabricating what we'd like to see on this earth?

For the three of you reading, I ask you this: Do you know that feeling you get when you hear a song that you fucking love?  You've memorized every beat and pitch change.  Each note inspires some part of you.  It's perfect.  Now imagine, you created it.  You sat and mumbled and hummed it into existence.  You let the tone dictate the subject matter and put letters and words in an order that conveyed a sensation you had buried deep in your guts.  When finished and tested, a feeling of gratification falls over you.  You did it and, OH YEAH, the best is still yet to come.  You get to play it live.  To see if it resonates.  To see if people connect.  And some people get it.  And this is important.  This is why I fucking waste my time with it.  That moment. 

What I created with this group was not groundbreaking.  Heck, in forced moments of objectivity, I can see that some of it wasn't good at all.  It may have connected with only one of the seven billion people on this earth.  But that one person was the sixteen year old pock marked kid that lives inside of me.  The one that is still bruised by a dozen loveless breakups.  He's an asshole by the way.  He's a self-aggrandizing solace pig, still angry about a billion blown opportunities and squandered "shots".  But as he's matured, and at the core, the product is all that matters to him. 

I know, I know, bro, "feelings are gay."  I'll stop.  I'm ready for this to go.   I wish I could say it will be the last project but those words have come out of my mouth so frequently they're now near worthless.  What can I say?  I'm off.  I'm tilted.  But it's the truth.  I'll do this again even though I know it won't work.  I just enjoy it too much.

Thanks to all my friends that came to shows out of obligation or pure interest.  I appreciate it.  I feel confident saying the rest of the guys do as well.

In honor of my small contribution to The Fire Drills, below are the lyrics to my favorite song we wrote, "Teenage Hearts".  Alright, back to less serious musings.  Take care, dudes. 


TEENAGE HEARTS

Wake up, Wake up, hey, honey.
It's time go
We've only got ten years or so, lovely
Before we slow
So let's take the biggest risks, baby
And crease the sheets
Cause lord knows that when we get older
It won't burn so sweet

(Chorus)
Teenage Hearts
They beat so fast
But when you get past the point of innocence
They crack
Teenage hearts

We'll wither away with our money
And little sleep
So let's take this time now, shall we
And taste defeat
I'm giving you the whole summer
To bring relief
Cause when forty hits our souls heavy
You'll turn from me