A Hankering.

I want to believe in the ability to travel throughout one's own mind in a lucid journey to understand that each part can be folded or manipulated in an effort to distort the world's actions into an environment suitable for personal growth. I want to believe in the ability to train the soul to both need nothing and experience everything. I want to own jealousy, not be owned by it. I want to trace the lineage of my anger back to one solitary place; a place that can be pitted and removed forever. I want to understand why the eyes and the heart heart cannot connect with the ears and the penis. I want my stomach to untie ITSELF once in a while. I want my legs to not shake when I'm forced to remain still for moments on end. I want to not NEED you, but ACCEPT you when available, and accept me when you're not. I want to forget how everything made me feel when I was younger. I want to understand the imagination as the place where life truly begins. I want to realize that in my truest words, I am free. I want my eyes to not set tears on their sill, ready to topple anytime. I want to replace sadness with ferocity. I want hunger to never subside. I want to own nothing that can't be discarded in a bag. I want to remove love from sex. I want everything to remain as is, so I can analyze and distinguish it from everything that has ever been, then remove what only carries consequence. I want the willful ignorance I endure at the hands of my desires to escape through my lungs in one last exasperated breath. I want to burn my television set - see it's insides melt and understand that machines have neither the pixels nor the energy source to generate what the nose and eyes can. I want to understand that we are receptors of goodwill and adjustment, solitary animals operating amongst a pack, vicious and cunning, nurturing and concerned. I want to understand that we are complicated, that we are a mix of nature's whim and nurture's will, and that being complicated is intriguing and terrifying. I want to not be tired.

And I want it all now.