The Maiden Voyage!

So I'm sitting here in my 620 square foot, 2 bedroom apartment with my flu-ridden wife and 5 year old child watching 'Bicentennial Man' trying to figure out a couple things.

1.  How do I get myself more organized?  I need a place to collect thoughts, ideas, and grievances.  I need a website (which by the way is coming very soon).  So I figured, why not start with a blog?  That seems pretentious and harmless when left to fall by the wayside.

2.  Seriously, how did Robin Williams manage to make an android seem like such a pussy?  They should have called this movie, 'Hideous Bisexual Robot', or just, 'Fergie', for short.  I almost puked watching Oliver Platt's character massaging Robin Williams' soon-to-be-face into shape.  I imagine this is a biopic of how Hollywood manufactured Robin Williams.  Just a machine, pre-loaded with jokes and voices stolen from many years of being left alone in front of a television.  I hope that mass of body hair and forearm never makes anything like this again.

So, with that being said, welcome to the maiden voyage of the veritable outhouse that is my writing.  Not all of this will be funny.  In fact most of it won't be funny.  Why?  Because I'm a self-obsessed dickhead who will hoard anything good for the stage.  Also, I'm not known for my brevity.  I will trail off.  I will start off on a rant about the IMF, World Bank, and how I will not buy any item that is not locally grown or manufactured, only to end it on a selfish musing about my latest cholesterol levels and making bread.   This will fail, I promise you.  I will take off from this mental port with every intention of transporting a whole cargo of first, second, and steerage class ideas to the promised land, only to slam into the icy, stifling mass that is a composite of my schedule, overbearing inner critic, and general distaste for labor.

Honestly, it may be for the best.  I think Gloria Stuart summed up how I feel when she played that old, diamond-tossing hag in Titanic.  "A woman's heart is a deep ocean of secrets."  You can have my pussy, folks, but you ain't never getting my mind.

Okay, see what I mean?  I've trailed off.

I look forward to this.