Hello, everyone! Sorry for the long delay in blogging. Not that any of you have lost sleep over it. I've just been so busy at the gym toning up my potent potables. I've missed you all, and honestly, I've kind of missed doing this. Not enough to feel compelled before today to do anything about it but I've kind of missed it regardless.
Why am I writing today? What moved me to the keyboard? Watch the video above. (Warning: If you're a music aficionado, please relocate sharp or delicate objects, or any sentient beings smaller than you, to a radius three feet beyond your current reach.)
Are you done? Okay, well first off, I'm sorry. I did it because I love you and because all of your self-obsessed revelry has allowed shit like this to see fruition. I too watched the video and was immediately driven to hard, hard, HARD diarrhea. You're saying to yourself, "Is this a joke?". There isn't a comedic writer alive capable of creating such a masterpiece.
I can't even begin to express how bad I hate this. Now, to each their own. But when given your own, please for fuck's sake, don't create aural Ipecac. The children are restless enough. It's like taking two very bland and mediocre objects and mashing them together into a misguided mess. Like preparing a Boca burger, then deciding to smother it in plain yogurt, and serving the messy concoction on a Richard Marx LP.
Upon listening to the intro I found myself thinking I was just walking through another ordinary suburban metal/hardcore video. Which is near useless but I can tune it out. Then, WHAMM-O, it's as if I turned a corner and now I'm strolling through Kylie Minogue's uterus. And we all know the beating that thing has taken.
Why does this music drive my colon to empty itself at first tones? Because it's confusing. When confused, I shit. I can't help it. You should have seen me in Geometry class. Why are they wearing crosses? Why are they so mad about partying hard? How come the chick singing the chorus has no tits? All the auto-tune parodies haven't clued any of these guys to the fact that giving minimally talented musicians vocoders is the recording equivalent of giving crutches to a quadriplegic?
I feel so sad for music to come. Oh, damn, I've gotta shit again.
